That's me

My name is Sandra Recktenwald. I was born in Germany in 1976 and am a single mother to two wonderful teenage boys, born in 2009 and 2013.

I support people who find themselves in the role of an affair partner – and who want to understand what led them, deep down, into this relationship situation.

My career path has taken me through various stages of body therapy, into body-oriented process work, and on to family and life coaching. I bring with me 28 years of varied experience in therapy, leadership, teaching and supporting people.

The topic of ‘affairs’ or extramarital relationships, which is so widely frowned upon by society, is familiar to me not only professionally but also from personal experience.
Not so long ago, I myself was caught up in such a relationship dynamic for almost a year – with all its conflicting emotions, its intensity, its longings and inner conflicts.

As a result, one aspect has become particularly important to me: making the third person in this situation visible. In many of the books, programmes and coaching sessions I have come across, the focus is almost exclusively on the couple – on the person who has been cheated on or the person who has been unfaithful. The third person themselves often remains invisible.
Yet this person, too, experiences, feels and carries this dynamic within them. They often have no space where they feel truly seen, heard or understood – and no relationship that can ‘save’ them, or people with whom they can talk about it in order to regain a sense of stability. This is precisely where I want to start.

During my time as a mistress or in an extramarital relationship, I was myself looking for companionship and support.

But I could hardly find anything that really felt right. Often, breaking up combined with cutting off all contact was presented as the only solution. But the question that kept me thinking was: Is that always the only way? Or are there other ways of dealing with it that are less hurtful? What is really needed in this situation? Isn’t it also a matter of not only seeking clarity, but also honouring what we have been through and acknowledging the important experiences – and ultimately the gifts – that this relationship has brought?
I have given a great deal of thought to how it is possible to stay connected – or to find an inner form of connection that does not cause further hurt or reinforce feelings of worthlessness. In my view, there are no one-size-fits-all answers here, but rather very individual paths. Paths that are tailored to each unique situation.

My personal experiences and the support I have provided to many people have given me a deep understanding of how subtle and complex relationship and attachment patterns can be. They rarely arise consciously, but often stem from past experiences, conditioning and inner defence mechanisms that are not immediately apparent.
My own experiences with different types of relationships, break-ups and life in a blended family also inform my work. I know how complex,
challenging and, at the same time, enriching relationships can be.

My companion
In my support, a safe space is created where nothing is judged. Everything is welcome – thoughts, feelings, insecurities and questions.
Together, we gently explore what led you into this relationship and what keeps you there on an inner level.
The focus here is not on rapid change, but on calmly getting to know and understand your own inner processes. Over time, this can lead to greater clarity – about yourself, your patterns and your needs.
I will treat you with respect, calmness and genuine presence.
You don’t have to explain or justify anything. Everything is allowed to unfold at your own pace.

I’m really looking forward to meeting you and hearing your story. Together, we’ll then think about how we can turn it into something you can look back on with pride, dignity and gratitude.